Why creative endeavors are so important to me.

Due to my health problems I had to reconcile myself with a smaller and quieter life than I would have liked. Through it all I have often fallen back on my love of art to help me cope and pass the time. Art and crafting has given me a much needed sense of accomplishment, reduced my stress level, and made me a part of the world wide community of henna artists. Expressing myself creatively has become an integral part of my journey with CHD and Fibromyalgia.
I have been drawing, painting, hennaing, or otherwise crafting, for as long as I can remember. My love affair with mandalas began when I was 16. I remember the first mandala I drew. It was the summer after I first came to America and I didn't have any friends to hang out with, so I spent all my time reading and drawing. I wanted to draw something with a great deal of detail, in order to pass the time, and stumbled onto circular designs that seemed to draw the eye inwards. I have been drawing or hennaing mandalas ever since. They hold a special place in my heart. Carl Jung once said that mandalas symbolize "a safe refuge of inner reconciliation and wholeness." This definitely rings true for me. When I draw or henna mandalas I can sense my mind relaxing and my thought patterns changing. It is a way for me to reach into a calmer place somewhere inside. Accessing that calm is something I'm always drawn back to and I rarely go more than a few weeks without hennaing, painting rocks, making cards or simply doodling.
Of all the mediums I've worked with I love henna the most. Hennaing on skin has helped me be more social and make connections with fellow artists. When one is living with chronic illness it becomes challenging to maintain friendships, let alone make new friends, but the social nature of hennaing has helped me combat the isolation that can result from being chronically ill. When I am too sick and tired to be around people I decorate wooden boxes with designs done in henna, colored pencils, and glitter gel. It makes me happy to have something to show for my time.
Aside from passing the time, reducing stress, improving my social life, and giving me a sense of accomplishment, making art and crafting has also helped me silence, or at least turn the volume down on, my inner critic. Perfectionism can kill creativity and learning to enjoy making something, even if it's far from perfect, has made me a happier person. That may be the biggest benefit of nurturing our own creativity. My advice to anyone living with chronic illness is to make stuff. Play with art supplies. Color, draw, finger paint, whatever makes you happy. Creativity is always worth the time and effort.

Henna hearts.

It's been four years since my third open-heart surgery.

On this day, four years ago, I spent 11 hours on the operating table undergoing my third open-heart surgery at the Kaiser hospital in San Francisco. During the last 4 years I have endured many setbacks and been tested in every way. It seems that the older I get, and with each subsequent surgery, recovery becomes increasingly challenging and elusive. I have never had to work so hard for anything before. While my body will never completely recover, my goal has been to regain some joy and usefulness. I hope to do more than just survive from one surgery to the next. I want to rebuild a life that is worth living.
During this surgery, Dr. Anthony Azakie replaced my aortic and pulmonary valves, and repaired my tricuspid valve. That was done in 6 hours, but it took an additional 5 hours to stop the bleeding. Since then I have had 2 cardiac catheterizations done, been cardioverted 8 times, had a complete hysterectomy and underwent a procedure to repair a pseudo-aneurism of my femoral artery. I have also suffered from anxiety and depression and lived with chronic pain, due to a worsening of my Fibromyalgia symptoms and nerve damage sustained during surgery. Following all of that, I have spent the last 7 months weaning myself off of pain medication. Progress has been slow and painful, but the experience has taught me a great deal.
The last 4 years have taught me the importance of having hope, even if it's just a glimmer. I have also learned who I can count on and to what degree. I have had to develop some faith in my own strength. All of this came at a very high price but has made me a more substantial person. I'm thankful for that and for any and all improvements to my health and wellbeing. I intend to make it count.